I've been losing lots of keys lately, I don't know what that means, but maybe I'll be better off if things can't be locked at all.

So because I spend an enormous amount of my time hanging out with kids, I have a feeling that my blogs are always going to relate back to them. I think they have a lot to teach me.

Yesterday I babysat little Addie who is 10. When I got there she didn't want to have her piano lesson. I could hear her fussing to her mom upstairs about how much she didn't want her teacher to come today. Her mom told her to stick it out, and left shortly after. So the teacher gets to the house and Addie is in the middle of eating her hot dog. She told me earlier that she was really hungry, so hot dogs as an afternoon snack seemed like a perfect idea. But she couldn't finish eating because it was time for her lesson. So she plays the Hokie Pokie song that she had been working on all week. It sounded wonderful and I could tell that she practices hard. The teacher spends 30 minutes on repertoire. Usually her lessons are only a half hour, but today it was a full hour. I could sense that Addie was getting frustrated, and her teacher began to drill her with theory questions.

"How many beats is a half note?" He asks.

"3. I mean 2." Addie would answer glumly, trying her best to keep a smile on.

She put on this show for her teacher because she didn't want him to see how she really felt. She was annoyed, hungry, and frustrated. But instead of expressing it, she smiled and put on a good face.

When the teacher left, she threw her cold hot dog and burst into tears. She crawled under the table and screamed "I HATE PIANO. I HATE THIS AND I HATE MY TEACHER." She couldn't keep it in anymore. She put a pillow over her face and cried.

Kids can't pretend that things are okay when they aren't. Atleast not for very long. But I pretend all the time. I put on a good face and keep it all in. I don't even need to burst into tears anymore because I'm so used to suppressing it all. How did I get to this point? I want to be able to say exactly what I feel. Not only that, but I want to be able to feel it and show it. There is something to say about wearing your heart on your sleeve...and I've never been able to do it.

Sometimes, well MOST of the time, Stephen will be able to look in my eyes and know exactly how I feel. How in the world can he tell? I thought I was good at hiding it. I guess some people you just can't fool. And honestly Hannah, I'm tired of fooling people.

I think, I KNOW why I write songs and why I feel the need to. It's the best way to articulate feelings. It's the best way to express it without being too vulnerable.

Anyway, that's all for now G Love. My favorite part of your blog was this:

"At one point, I was clinging to this boulder. It was the funniest thing. My legs were too short to reach one of the rocks, so I had to readjust. It's amazing how an obstacle is no longer an obstacle when you change your position, your attitude."

I'm so glad you climbed that mountain! Get it girl! You reached the top, and that's amazing. So why are you afraid of what you want?

Can't wait to hear from you.

Love,
L

PS. I got new glasses. hehe.