I've been losing lots of keys lately, I don't know what that means, but maybe I'll be better off if things can't be locked at all.

So because I spend an enormous amount of my time hanging out with kids, I have a feeling that my blogs are always going to relate back to them. I think they have a lot to teach me.

Yesterday I babysat little Addie who is 10. When I got there she didn't want to have her piano lesson. I could hear her fussing to her mom upstairs about how much she didn't want her teacher to come today. Her mom told her to stick it out, and left shortly after. So the teacher gets to the house and Addie is in the middle of eating her hot dog. She told me earlier that she was really hungry, so hot dogs as an afternoon snack seemed like a perfect idea. But she couldn't finish eating because it was time for her lesson. So she plays the Hokie Pokie song that she had been working on all week. It sounded wonderful and I could tell that she practices hard. The teacher spends 30 minutes on repertoire. Usually her lessons are only a half hour, but today it was a full hour. I could sense that Addie was getting frustrated, and her teacher began to drill her with theory questions.

"How many beats is a half note?" He asks.

"3. I mean 2." Addie would answer glumly, trying her best to keep a smile on.

She put on this show for her teacher because she didn't want him to see how she really felt. She was annoyed, hungry, and frustrated. But instead of expressing it, she smiled and put on a good face.

When the teacher left, she threw her cold hot dog and burst into tears. She crawled under the table and screamed "I HATE PIANO. I HATE THIS AND I HATE MY TEACHER." She couldn't keep it in anymore. She put a pillow over her face and cried.

Kids can't pretend that things are okay when they aren't. Atleast not for very long. But I pretend all the time. I put on a good face and keep it all in. I don't even need to burst into tears anymore because I'm so used to suppressing it all. How did I get to this point? I want to be able to say exactly what I feel. Not only that, but I want to be able to feel it and show it. There is something to say about wearing your heart on your sleeve...and I've never been able to do it.

Sometimes, well MOST of the time, Stephen will be able to look in my eyes and know exactly how I feel. How in the world can he tell? I thought I was good at hiding it. I guess some people you just can't fool. And honestly Hannah, I'm tired of fooling people.

I think, I KNOW why I write songs and why I feel the need to. It's the best way to articulate feelings. It's the best way to express it without being too vulnerable.

Anyway, that's all for now G Love. My favorite part of your blog was this:

"At one point, I was clinging to this boulder. It was the funniest thing. My legs were too short to reach one of the rocks, so I had to readjust. It's amazing how an obstacle is no longer an obstacle when you change your position, your attitude."

I'm so glad you climbed that mountain! Get it girl! You reached the top, and that's amazing. So why are you afraid of what you want?

Can't wait to hear from you.

Love,
L

PS. I got new glasses. hehe.

I'm running to the edge of my life.

Dear L,

I LOVED your last post. A lot. So much that I went and climbed a mountain today :]

My friends and I took a trip to Sugarloaf Mountain. I've lived here 20 years and I've never stepped foot on it. But today, that changed.

We took a nice drive through the countryside with the windows rolled down and the music blaring. When we got there, we drove up a little ways, parked, and set out on our adventure. Let me tell you, I realized a lot of things today. And one of them was that I am out of shape... hahaha.

We hiked up the Green Trail to the highest point of the mountain with a couple of backpacks and a guitar. I haven't felt that alive in a long time. The sun was beating down on us, my blood was pumping through all my veins, I was breathing in the fresh mountain air. We got to the very top and hung out there for a while. Played a little bit of guitar and just took in the view. Trees. Land. For miles. We even shared our fears. Just said them out loud. To each other. To the mountain and the things beyond it. Man.

At one point, Courtney and Mike ventured out to some rocks nearby. After a few minutes, they called us over and said, "You might want to bring your camera."

Now, when people ask me if I'm afraid of heights, I usually answer, "No," but I think now that I'm lying. Because I was scared to climb the rocks, to sit on the edge of the cliff. All the terrible scenarios of slipping and falling just flooded my brain. But Brooke said, "Come on. You can do it." Courtney helped point out which rocks I could step on. At one point, I was clinging to this boulder. It was the funniest thing. My legs were too short to reach one of the rocks, so I had to readjust. It's amazing how an obstacle is no longer an obstacle when you change your position, your attitude. I finally made it and the view was breathtaking. It was some good times with good people.

After our adventure, I dropped off my friends and took the long way home. The one question that kept racing through my brain was, "What am I afraid of?" and the answers that kept racing through my brain were, "I'm afraid to want. I'm afraid of what I want."

And that's where I'm left. Where I'm lost. But I think it's a good place to be lost, don't you think?

You said in your last post that you hate dwelling. You climbing that mountain, proving yourself wrong, seems like a good step away from dwelling :]

Things are happening, Hannah. In us and all around us. Can you see it? I'm so glad we get to share this with each other.

Can't wait to hear your next adventure. How's sitting on babies going?

Sincerely,
G Love

P.S. I was sitting in the kitchen writing this blog when my dad just comes up to me and says randomly, "You and the right guy will meet at the right place at the right time." What?! Where did that come from? I wish I could tell you. Haha. OH FATHER...

What matters.

Dear G Love,

Sunday afternoon I went for a hike with my brother and friend Michele.

I was so nervous. I make an egg sandwich for energy before we go. My brother and I drive up to the mountains in New Jersey. They are absolutely beautiful and huge looking up from the highway. We park in a lot next to a baseball field and make our way to the trail with Michele and her dog, Toby. Within ten minutes I am completely out of breath, and my heart is racing. It scares me when my heart races like that because I just want my heart to get better. The incline is incredible. It's almost like rock climbing. There is no way I'm going to make it. We stop for a break and I ask my brother how close we are. He says, "Oh, about 1/5 of the way." You've got to be kidding me. I keep saying in my head that I can't make it. I'm too tired. My legs feel like Jello. My heart is too weak for this. My head is pulsing. We stop for another break and I can't even see the sky. Just rocks and boulders and trees above me laughing at me and waiting for me to try and conquer them. But I can't. I keep going regardless. I am last out of the three of us.

Soon enough, we reach the very top. And it was beautiful and ridiculously high.
So I can do it afterall.

Why do I discourage myself so much? Why is there always a little voice in my head telling me I can't do it? "I won't be successful." "I won't reach my dream goal." "My gifts are no good." "I'm not really that special." "None of it matters anyway."

It all matters, Hannah. You Hannah and me Hannah.

Yes, the world is vast and there are billions of people. Yes, it seems like we are small and that our miniscule lives don't hold a candle to the rest of the world's problems. Yes, it seems like we can't do it. Yes, it seems like everyone is out to get us. But we do matter, not just inside of our house inside of a town inside of a circle of people. We matter in the big picture.

I'm not sure how this relates to hiking. It's just on my mind today. It's on my mind a lot. I just wish I could reach a point where I felt encouraged all the time. That's when I could get everything done. Instead I dwell. And I hate dwelling.

Your post was beautiful. I think that love like that is incredibly hard to find. I'm learning so much about love this year. It always seems impossible to come by. And when you do have it, you won't realize it fully until it leaves you..physically speaking. I know that even though they moved away, the love is still there and will always be there in your hearts. God is looking out for you. He's got a lot of love to give and a lot of people to help give it too. If we just let them in.

Love,
L

It was never meant to be this way.

This morning, I had to say goodbye to some dear friends who are moving away. When I heard about it a couple of months ago, I was okay. I had peace about it. On Friday night when I hung out with them, I was okay. I had peace. Last night at their going away party, I was okay. I had peace.

But this morning, I had peace, but I was not okay.

I cried and I don't cry often (at least I don't think so!) but it wasn't really because they're moving away. Don't get me wrong, it is going to suck when I can't just call them up on the phone and say, "Hey! Can I come crash at your house?" or "Hey! Do you need a babysitter?" or "Hey! Can you teach me how to cook?" I mean, actually, I can. I'd just have to get on a plane and fly to Colorado...

Anywho, I cried because this morning, I realized that I know love. I've brushed arms with it, I've cried with it (the rare times that I cry...), I've been driven by it to take action for everything that I see is wrong in this world. I would not be able to count the number of people and the number of ways that this family has loved and loved well. I cried for the people this family has yet to meet in Colorado because they will be impacted and challenged by this family in ways they could have never imagined.

And I cried because I believe it was never meant to be this way. We weren't meant to say goodbye. We weren't meant to experience pain.

And yet, we are still able to experience beauty in the midst of all of it.

831.

Larson,
I loved your post... Truth. We should take more cues for life from kids. They've got this life thing down.

Sincerely,
G Love

She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb in the shape of an L on her forehead...

Today I watched Shrek the movie with a 10 year old.

Not only was I reminded how cool the band SmashMouth used to be, but also how hilarious Eddy Murphy is. Karen and I did so many fun things today, and I can't even believe that I get paid for this. I picked her up from school and we did the slow motion run to each other because it's been a year since we saw each other. We played LIFE the board game, went for a bike ride, did some math problems, ordered pizza, fingerpainted (the paint ended up everywhere but on the paper), went out for ice cream and wrote a story about puppies. Kids are so cool. Karen doesnt worry about the future. She doesn't care about what she's going to be in a year or in ten years. She wears whatever clothes she feels like wearing and she doesn't even think about brushing her hair. The only plans she has are to play with her puppy, and floss after dinner. She only cares about today.

Seriously, we can plan all we want. And I know it's important and completely normal to make plans and prepare for the future. But isn't today the only thing in front of us? I am never at peace. And people tell you and the cheesy quotes tell you to live for today and live in the moment. Even the Bible tells you. So why can't we just do it? Just for a second trust that God has it? He's got it. And He's always telling us that He has it all under control. It's okay to take a day at a time. It's more than okay--it certainly is less stressful. Just for a second?

So today I did that. And it felt good.

Love you.

-L <3

challenge.

LARSON!

I challenge you to:

- Visit a nursing home and perform your songs. Afterwards, hang out with the residents and see what stories you come across :]

- Go to a public place (maybe that park you were at yesterday!) and strike up a conversation with a (safe-looking!) stranger. The conversation doesn't have to be long or interesting. Just a conversation.

- Write me a song about ice cream.

Good luck! You don't have to do these all in one day... I wouldn't expect you to, haha. How are we going to figure out deadlines for these challenges? Let me know. I can't wait to hear about all your adventures!

Sincerely,

G Love

the beginning.

Motivation.

This blog was born from a lack of it. We've been home from school for less than a week and already we can feel the laziness of summer weighing us down. We decided to fight it, via this blog.

This is a multi-purpose blog:

- To keep in touch with each other.

- To kick each other's butts to write music.

- To challenge each other to take risks.

- To share our thoughts with whoever is willing to listen.

So, here it goes.

Sincerely,

Larson & G Love (the hannahs)