What matters.

Dear G Love,

Sunday afternoon I went for a hike with my brother and friend Michele.

I was so nervous. I make an egg sandwich for energy before we go. My brother and I drive up to the mountains in New Jersey. They are absolutely beautiful and huge looking up from the highway. We park in a lot next to a baseball field and make our way to the trail with Michele and her dog, Toby. Within ten minutes I am completely out of breath, and my heart is racing. It scares me when my heart races like that because I just want my heart to get better. The incline is incredible. It's almost like rock climbing. There is no way I'm going to make it. We stop for a break and I ask my brother how close we are. He says, "Oh, about 1/5 of the way." You've got to be kidding me. I keep saying in my head that I can't make it. I'm too tired. My legs feel like Jello. My heart is too weak for this. My head is pulsing. We stop for another break and I can't even see the sky. Just rocks and boulders and trees above me laughing at me and waiting for me to try and conquer them. But I can't. I keep going regardless. I am last out of the three of us.

Soon enough, we reach the very top. And it was beautiful and ridiculously high.
So I can do it afterall.

Why do I discourage myself so much? Why is there always a little voice in my head telling me I can't do it? "I won't be successful." "I won't reach my dream goal." "My gifts are no good." "I'm not really that special." "None of it matters anyway."

It all matters, Hannah. You Hannah and me Hannah.

Yes, the world is vast and there are billions of people. Yes, it seems like we are small and that our miniscule lives don't hold a candle to the rest of the world's problems. Yes, it seems like we can't do it. Yes, it seems like everyone is out to get us. But we do matter, not just inside of our house inside of a town inside of a circle of people. We matter in the big picture.

I'm not sure how this relates to hiking. It's just on my mind today. It's on my mind a lot. I just wish I could reach a point where I felt encouraged all the time. That's when I could get everything done. Instead I dwell. And I hate dwelling.

Your post was beautiful. I think that love like that is incredibly hard to find. I'm learning so much about love this year. It always seems impossible to come by. And when you do have it, you won't realize it fully until it leaves you..physically speaking. I know that even though they moved away, the love is still there and will always be there in your hearts. God is looking out for you. He's got a lot of love to give and a lot of people to help give it too. If we just let them in.

Love,
L