Falling slowly, eyes that know me, and I can't go back.

I'm sitting in my room drinking peppermint tea listening to Joshua Radin on Pandora. It's pouring outside. The sky is dark grey, and the rain hasn't stopped since 9 this morning. The rain is cooping me up inside my house. I am inside my room and inside my covers and inside my skin, really. If that makes sense--all I've been doing today is thinking. And usually when I spend a whole day thinking, it's not very productive, lol. But today I didn't care much for being productive. I even watched like 6 episodes of The Office on Netflix, tehehe.

But seriously. I read your blog again today and it really hit me hard. Like, in a good way. Your friend's story is amazing. Marriage has been on my mind so much lately. I've been having dreams about weddings and dresses and being married and my sister wants to lend me a book about commitment and then you post a blog about your friend's wedding. It's strange that I am thinking about it, really. I'm only 18.

I think it's so incredibly cool that people marry their best friends. Someone you can tell anything to. Someone you can pray with and share your worries, your fears. You can cry in front of them and laugh about it after. You can go on adventures together, even if it's to the grocery store or the park. You can lay next to each other on a tennis court and watch the sunset. You can go for walks every night and you always have a hand to hold.

Marriage is kind of like having a sleepover...every night. You can curl up and watch movies at night. You can fall asleep next to them in your sweatpants with your hair in a bun, no makeup. It is someone to do the dishes with. Someone you can have a pillow fight with. Someone who will always be there to open the freaking pickle jar. Someone who will stroke your hair and tell you that things are going to be okay. Someone who knows you sometimes better than you know yourself. Someone who loves you sometimes more than you love yourself. It's the closest you can get to feeling God's love through a person.

And I catch myself searching for what love is. How do I know if it's really love? How do I know if it's real. I keep putting one foot back on the ground. Never fully allowing myself to love. But honestly I don't think there's any trick behind it.

Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

I think I know. Love is self explanatory, really. When it's there, you will know it. Because God's love wraps you up. And when He puts it in someone else to love you, you know it. And when He puts it in YOU to love someone else, you will know it.
And it's okay to have doubts. Because God will keep things sewn together. He won't let anything rip apart if it's right.

Sigh. :)

Just a few thoughts from New Jersey to Maryland. From a Hannah to a Hannah.

Love,
L