walking in fog.

Wow. It's been a while since we've written here, Larky. I've often thought about this blog and have re-read entries from time to time. It makes me laugh but it also makes me a little bit sad at times. Things have changed a lot. I feel like I've taken a step back as far as my love for life. Going back to the very first entries of the summer that we started this blog, it seems like I was so ready for the new, so ready to explore. But now, I feel like I'm just getting by, doing what I have to just to get through the day.

Thoughts of the coming year have been weighing heavy on me. Somedays, I'm alright. I say to myself, "Yeah, I'll be fine even though I have no idea where I'm going." But other days, I'll have a quarter-life crisis (is it possible to have that multiple times? haha) and quietly freak out. A month ago, I decided to move back home. Two weeks ago, I decided it might be better for me to stay here. Yesterday, I thought maybe I should move back home to save some money. I don't know what I'll decide tomorrow.

Before I left for home for this last semester, my friend messaged me and said:

so excited to hear what God has in store for you this last semester. He's not gonna leave you hanging... He'll keep pointing the way... maybe only one step at a time. But he won't leave you hanging.

This was encouraging to hear. But living this right now, in this present moment, is really difficult and frustrating, I will be honest. Everyday that I'm in the practice room, that I'm out teaching, that I'm out meeting new people, that I'm singing, I can't help but wonder - what is this all amounting to? Why won't God just give me a clear answer about where I'm headed so that I will know what to spend my time and effort and energy in? It seems like it would be so much easier that way.

But of course, I know it's not like that. I admit, it is kind of exhilarating, not knowing where I'm going. But it's hard. And this is definitely where faith and trust come in. Because I'm not really sure I know what I want anymore. Not even about songwriting. I know that I will never stop doing it, it's just a part of who I am, but I get a sense that it's not going to be the main thing in my life, at least for me, at least for now. And for the first time, it's okay. I'm okay with it. I think I'm just beginning to uncover my own story and not trying to live someone else's. It's cool. Sometimes. Haha.

Anywho, I hope you're doing well. Please post about your magical show in Philly from this past week! Can't wait to hear about it :]

Love,
Hannah G.