a little change, a little risk.

Hey Hannah Gee,
Today is a good day. Today I feel different. I think that somehow, although I didn't think it was possible, God changed my attitude. Remember when we were talking about that? Of all things, my attitude is something I thought I was stuck with. My attitude is what I was born with, a part of my personality that would never be different.

This attitude of mine (that is, before it changed) seems to have a mind of its own. My attitude likes to dwell and be bitter. It likes to cast blame on people and places and everything around me. It likes to wish everything could be perfect all the time. It likes to be disappointed when things are not perfect. My attitude likes to be all up or all down.

I never thought that people could change. I knew that we were constantly changing, but I didn't believe that we would ever change change. But maybe we can change. Maybe we change all the time.

Today I recorded a song in the studio. It felt good, but I wasn't on top of my high horse afterwards like I usually am. Release, yes, but no high horse. Instead of a high horse, I felt a simple urge to let go and take more risks. It's not something I've ever been ready to do. My risk always consisted of packing up and moving myself around. Transporting my entire life has become my comfort, actually. Pretty backwards, I'd say.

I'm going to take a risk. I'm going to stay right here...right where I am.
That's where God wants me. I just know it.

Love,
Hannah El